This site represents the third essential aspect that is necessary for real transformation—not mere improvement, but real transformation—to take place. (Real transformation, i.e., what also might be called enlightenment, satori, metanoia, alchemy.) This is a site that encourages honest, courageous self-examination and self-awareness, including personal responsibility, accountability, and impeccability in all that we say and do.
The other two essentials or necessary ingredients/capacities for real transformation are: Love—learning what love really truly is and then practicing it, acting committedly and consistently in that way. And secondly, real Perspective—a genuine pervasive near-constant awareness of our own mortality and fragility—how brief and perishable we all are, how quickly all of this could be taken away from us, or could take an irreparable turn for the worse.
Without these two capacities, we will be living and making decisions blindly, as if asleep, and very often out of anger, resentment, self-protectiveness, wounded pride, vast stores of immaturity, and certainly without any real perspective. We will be living and loving and making decisions badly because we will be living a loveless self-protective life and be glibly and self-delusionally acting as if life just goes on forever. In other words, we will be existing unhappily, uncourageously in a living hell (and likely quite uncomfortably numb to it), and making life hellish as well for those around us because of our lack of self-control, our lack of love, and our lack of perspective (we’ll be living and making decisions reactively, and as if life just goes on forever).
This will be who we are, who we are becoming, and who we will be teaching those around us to become—hellish, frightened, avoidant creatures; uncourageous creatures; what Peck rightfully terms “People of the Lie.” Emerson, in his essay “Self-Reliance,” wrote (paraphrasing): “Our character teaches above our wills. People imagine that they communicate virtue and vice only by overt actions, and do not see that they communicate it by who they are at each moment, that virtue and vice emit a breath every single instant.”
If we are frightened, avoidant creatures, then fear and avoidance is what we will teach whether we intend to or not.
If we are poorly differentiated creatures, then poor differentiation is what we will teach at every moment.
If we are loveless, self-protective creatures, then however much we might talk about self-sacrifice and self-extension, it will still ultimately be self-protection and walling up that we teach.
If we are blind to ourselves and afraid of facing ourselves, then this is what we will teach others to do as well.
We cannot escape who we are.
And we cannot escape or avoid teaching who and what we are.
Because of this we run the risk of becoming something far worse than merely a frightened, cowardly, self-deceptive, armored up, loveless creature who’s only harming and damaging ourselves. We run the risk of actually crossing over and crossing a point of no return and becoming evil, actually harming others and damaging them, either directly through our own self-avoidance, or indirectly by teaching what we are.
This site, then represents the third essential strand necessary for transformation: real, honest, courageous self-awareness; the capacity to look at ourselves and monitor our own behaviors objectively, fairly, fearlessly, impartially, as well as with tremendous accountability and impeccability and personal responsibility. This is the antidote to evil, because this is what those among us who are evil cannot do: look honestly at themselves when the going gets tough and when stress and anxiety reach a fevered pitch. Instead they give into the amygdala hijacking of walling up and scapegoating/blaming others and abdicating/diffusing personal responsibility.
So long as we can’t do this—face ourselves, squarely face and acknowledge the places that scare us, look honestly and objectively at ourselves—we live at best very immaturely, very blindly and badly, scapegoating and blaming others, diffusing and refusing responsibility. Basically we’ll be living one continual perpetual Lie—and telling lie and after lie and after lie in order to keep up the façade. In fact, it won’t even be we—in the sense of what’s best in us—who’s living; it’s will be what’s weakest and most wounded and what’s worst in us that will be living in our place and wasting and squandering our lives for us and squandering what little time we have here.
“Only what’s best in us can talk about the worst in us, because what’s worst and weakest in us lies about itself and its own existence.” – David Schnarch (paraphrased)
We will never be able to open our hearts and truly Love and be happy so long as what’s worst in us—the ego, or our narcissism, our wounded pride and resentment and pettiness and fear—is running the show and making our decisions in our place—in place of what’s best and most courageous in us.
This site, then, is here to encourage the honest, courageous self-examination and self-awareness and mindfulness that real growth and transformation require.
Namaste, and best wishes to all of us in this endeavor!